Friday, 29 April 2011
Let's improve our Royal Wedding vocabulary
Well, I watched it. Always meant to and did. Was fascinated by the Abbey cosmati floor, the liturgy, the visiting dignitaries, the hats, the lot. What annoyed me is the very low standard of blather we get from broadcasters. Huw Edwards read out bulletins about the principals' outfits as if he was doing it phonetically from a script written in Martian and couldn't tell the difference between sky and powder blue (Carole Middleton).
Now as for Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, Martian would have been very appropriate. Who advises those poor young women on what to wear? Fergie? Mr Blobby? Perhaps nice Mrs Middleton could have a new career within the Firm - or even that Mrs Parker Bowles, who is now Auntie Camilla?
No wonder words failed in some of the commentary. But even when faced with lesser challenges, the broadcasters did no better than the vox pops - fantastic, stunning, brilliant, beautiful - they all said the same until I thought I would scream if I heard "down-to-earth" again. Even HRM the Queen apparently said it was "amazing!"
Here's a competition: describe William and Kate's ceremony, clothes, relationship without using any of the above adjectives or phrases - and I mean positively. No Republican snideness here - this is an exercise in extending the range of words that could be used without sending the 2 billion or so viewers into a coma.
The prize? Just the satisfaction of knowing you did better than the BBC.