Friday, 29 April 2011

Let's improve our Royal Wedding vocabulary




Well, I watched it. Always meant to and did. Was fascinated by the Abbey cosmati floor, the liturgy, the visiting dignitaries, the hats, the lot. What annoyed me is the very low standard of blather we get from broadcasters. Huw Edwards read out bulletins about the principals' outfits as if he was doing it phonetically from a script written in Martian and couldn't tell the difference between sky and powder blue (Carole Middleton).

Now as for Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, Martian would have been very appropriate. Who advises those poor young women on what to wear? Fergie? Mr Blobby? Perhaps nice Mrs Middleton could have a new career within the Firm - or even that Mrs Parker Bowles, who is now Auntie Camilla?

No wonder words failed in some of the commentary. But even when faced with lesser challenges, the broadcasters did no better than the vox pops - fantastic, stunning, brilliant, beautiful - they all said the same until I thought I would scream if I heard "down-to-earth" again. Even HRM the Queen apparently said it was "amazing!"

Here's a  competition: describe William and Kate's ceremony, clothes, relationship without using any of the above adjectives or phrases - and I mean positively. No Republican snideness here - this is an exercise in extending the range of words that could be used without sending the 2 billion or so viewers into a coma.

The prize? Just the satisfaction of knowing you did better than the BBC.

11 comments:

Candy Gourlay said...

Fantastic, stunning, brilliant, beautiful !

Seriously though, I really did enjoy it and hope the couple enjoyed it as much as the millions across the world.

Katherine Langrish said...

Yes, I am afraid when I saw the HATS of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, the words 'Ugly Sisters' exploded into my mind. Terrible. But thought the couple looked very self-possessed, elegant and happy, and I did enjoy the tiniest bridesmaid with her scowl, and her hands clapped over her ears for the flypast!

Book Maven said...

I was just such a tiny bridesmaid, aged three, at my cousin's wedding! I was told not to let go of the bride's train and I took it so literally, I had to be prised off when they went to sign the register and when they got in the car to the reception.

So in all the pictures I am scowling like a malevolent, bonneted, lavender gnome!

bookwitch said...

Surely B and E have inherited Mummy's dress style?

Linda Strachan said...

Oh, yes those poor girls,surely there is someone who could have guided them into something more suitable and flattering?

The bride was serene and composed, elegantly traditional within a modern style and if they were both a little more formal and restrained than I would have liked, well, it was a Grand occasion with the world looking on!

adele said...

I'm afraid the Cinderella thing came to my mind too! But look, they're the ones being talked about and maybe it's a kind of subtle revenge for the fact that Fergie was UNINVITED! Can anyone throw light on that? Loved the whole thing from beginning to end, though not nearly enough attention paid to guests' clothes. Spanish Queen looked spectacularly good and I applauded Sam Cam for the no-hat look. As for princes, handsomest by far was our very own David Beckham! No tattoos showing so he looked good enough to eat. And Victoria also looked good, though wearing those shoes when you're so heavily pregnant is a bit...reckless. The Dress was perfection. And Pippa's...well. Words fail me! Sarah Burton is going to be immensely rich and famous and quite right too!

Book Maven said...

I heard ages ago that Fergie said she would not go and not expect to be invited. (The woman perhaps realises how unpopular it would have made her to have the paparazzi thronging round her hoping for a frumpy scoop).

I was disgusted that Blair and Brown were not invited when Major was - a real Palace blunder.

Adèle, there should be a special glossy issue of something or other dissecting the clothes!

adele said...

Mary, I will be buying HELLO's special wedding supplement. They usually have a run-down on the clothes and in colour! Times special supplement today has some good stuff....I'd send you my supplement but it has to go to my 94 year old Ma in law! And really bad not to invite Brown and Blair, I agree. Everyone seems agreed on that. Apparently, according to Nigel Lawson in Times, HM never forgave Brown for decommissioning Britannia and the whole family never forgave Blair for boasting about how he made the Queen 'see sense' over the Diana business. Not that they deny he did to that, simply that it is not done to tell everyone you have! Says Nigel.....

adele said...

I mean of course " Did DO that...."

adele said...

I am having a good few Senior Moments lately! It should be DOMINIC LAWSON in my post above and not his dad...sorry!

readingcare said...

Fantastic, stunning, brilliant, beautiful !

Seriously though, I really did enjoy it and hope the couple enjoyed it as much as the millions across the world.


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